Forward: A Message For the Students

I love you. It is the most important thing but I want you to know and it is the only thing that you should ever understand about me as your former teacher - and as your “Forever” Baba, I will always love you. It is this unyielding, unconditional, unrelenting love that I have for you that pushed me to endure the worst "school" I have ever experienced. You did not know because you were not supposed to know. I came to school every day and as best as I could, I tried to give you everything in me even when I had nothing to give. I did not leave because of you. I never left because of any student. In fact, I risked jail to come and see you that day. I didn’t care. Yall my babies.

Most of you will likely never read the book in its entirety to truly grasp the magnitude of why I left - which is fine. If you don’t understand anything else from me, you need to know that you were not my reason for leaving. You were my only reason for staying. It was because of you that I stayed as long as I did. I was unhappy. I was struggling financially, emotionally, and mentally with the task of being a teacher, a dean, a therapist, a social worker, miracle worker, parent, big brother, and friend. I was trying to teach at a level that you deserved while dealing with an administration who used me up, and then spit me out. I tried to resign 3 times before I ultimately left - and every time I did, it was the students that made me reconsider. Every single time.

Let me also take this time to say I apologize. You were never the reason for my bad day. You had every right to call me “Baba Evil.” I never wanted to be that type of teacher and I will never be that type of teacher again. The “infamous” Valentine Day debacle last year? That was not you. That was the stress of IB. There was so much happening to me out of view from you. But I took my frustrations with a foolish administration out on you and you did not deserve that. Please know that it was nothing but your love that kept me coming in that building every single day. It was nothing but your admiration and respect for me that made me put up with all that I did. To my morning “A,” history class, I apologize for “snapping” on you the day of the IB visit. If you read the book, you’ll understand what was happening to me. Still, it was no excuse. As an adult, I should have regulated my emotions better than what I did and I apologize.

To all of my non-Black students: though I talked candidly, honestly, and openly about race in class and I always centered the Black experience in my teaching, almost all of you opened your minds and your heart to learn new things about Black people and unlearn old things about Black people. My non-Black babies loved me for ME. Yall let me be my BLACK self every day of the week and you loved me for it. So many of you saw me beyond my race and felt my love for you, many of you considered me a second dad and that is truly not lost on me. You made me a better Teacher. You made me a better human.

A few of my white students have accused me of being “racist” or alleging that I “favored” Black students. What you may have perceived as favoritism, was actually protection. The current school system is not designed for Black children to succeed. Kcc was hostile to Black children - especially Black males. Your Black classmates are underrepresented in the textbooks (how often did we see Black people in our textbooks in Civics or History). They are 3 times more likely to be suspended. When they become adults, your Black classmates are more likely to die at the hands of the police, be arrested, experience poverty, or die from a preventable disease - all for being born Black.

I never put one student over any other. As a person who has been privileged to see themselves centered in every major facet of society, it was probably difficult seeing Black students "get all the shine." They did not get the "shine," their experience as being Black in America was centered in every single lesson - much like your entire schooling experience up until that point in your life and much like the rest of school experience will be. "That shine" you saw was affirmation; Black children finally being able to see themselves in the things, events, people, places, and lessons we did on a consistent basis. While most of my white students adjusted wonderfully to the "culture shock" of having another experience centered as your own, some of you really and truly struggled with it. My prayer is that you do the work at another stage in life and end up on the right side of this fight and not the wrong one.

Being a Black male Teacher, Black boys were naturally drawn to me. For most of them, I was the first Black male they have ever had as a Teacher. For a few, I was the most prominent male figure in their life. There was a bond there between me and my Black male students that no words, context, or explanation can justify. To have been ripped from their lives so violently and suddenly is a wound that affects them differently - affects me differently.

I hope with all going on, you all can appreciate why it was pivotal that I centered the experience of Black people in my classes and why I had given some students more “attention” than others. My second biggest fear in life is burying a student - my biggest fear? Burying one of my boys who has died at the hands of racism or police brutality. It is a prayer I pray that God hears every day. I didn't love them more, I just loved them differently.

I tried to teach you that by centering an experience other than your own, you would develop empathy and understanding for those you do not understand. I wish I had recorded our class discussions on race and racism because the world could use a lesson in how to discuss these topics maturely. You understand now more than ever that All Black Lives Matter. Period.

I spent many days in between classes with my head in my eyes fighting back tears because I felt like I had failed you. I took out my frustrations with adults on you. I often was unprepared and could not give you the academic instruction you needed and you deserved because of the burdens of battling jealous teachers and indifferent administration that I was experiencing. Most days I had nothing planned; I usually created the lessons as I went throughout the day. I rarely read your assignments because I took nothing home. I took nothing home because by the time I made it home, after giving 100 children everything I had, battling a ridiculously racist colleague, putting up with an administration that treated me poorly and very unfairly, and trying to figure out what I was even going to eat that night, I had nothing left for me. By the time I reached my last semester at kcc, I was teaching from my chair. I had lost all passion for what I was doing because I was so unhappy.

In your eyes, I was the “cool” teacher who you could talk to about anything - and that’s how it is supposed to be. Now imagine 50-100 bringing some type of issue or problem to me everyday, 5 days a week. This was on top of trying to teach 8 classes, running 3 clubs, and fighting a fellow teacher and an administration who refused to step in on my behalf. I was struggling to eat, and just survive. I put up with all of this. Day after day. You saw how much I did; you didn’t see the toll it took on me.

As I bring this to a close, please remember that the best thing you can ever do for your Teacher is care. Some of you knew me for 2 years and never asked me how I was doing - and that’s okay. You are children and at this point your development, you are expected to be self-centered. But then there were those of you who never let a day go by without checking on me. A handful of you could look at me and just know that I was not in my best place - even when I put on mask that grinned and lied. I would put the love my students have for me up against any other Teacher in the world.When it comes to your “Baba,” I know my babies will RIDE OUT.

To my Chicago babies: you are the reason I am "Baba." You are the reason I am confident enough to go into a school setting and teach any child very Black things. You are the reason I know that this field, and this cause is for me. To my entire BASA family, when the world told me that I was "too Black," "too radical," and could never find a job being as unapologetic as I was, you gave me the opportunity to prove them wrong by making me a part of the Betty Shabazz International Charter School Family. It is because of my time in Chicago, my experiences at BASA, that I accept this calling on my life with pride and ease. I will love you until the end of time.

With that being said, now is not the time to grieve for prom, Grad Adventure, graduation or any other symbolic thing that can be replaced at any time in the future. Now is not the time to reminisce about what used to be.You all have a bigger problem on your hand that threatens to tear your country in half before most of you make it to your senior year in college. You are the first generation born into a world where racism, homophobia, and sexism can die in your lifetime. The idea of “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” for all people can very well happen on your watch. But the work to dismantle these systems begins now. If you want a country free of hate, you will have to liberate it.

Teachers are not counselors and we are not therapists. We are not psychiatrists nor are we mental health professionals. There is very little training and even less courses in college that truly equip us to deal with so much trauma from so many young people on a constant basis. Teachers have to be supported so that we can best support you. I can honestly say that I cannot remember operating at 100% during my entire time at kcc. As good as you thought I was, the truth is, I was struggling in every sense of the word. I happen to have a degree in psychology but the amount of students who brought their problems to me on a daily basis was just too much to process given everything else going on around me.

As you get older you will learn to “keep on keepin’ on.” Sometimes life will do what life does and you have to be ready. Stop procrastinating. Learn to make a decision and never think about it again. You must learn to lean on yourself, trust your instincts, depend on your own decision-making, and follow through despite discomfort. Brilliance awaits you on the other side of your discomfort! Of all the things I tried to leave with you, I would ask you every single day: How will you be better tomorrow than you were today/? What did you do today to make sure you left it better than yesterday? What is your legacy?

As you move up to the next grade, remember your teachers are people too. They deserve your love. They deserve your respect. They deserve your admiration. Except the racist ones. Them hoes deserve to burn in Hell.

You survived the Spring of 2020. You will survive the fall. This too shall pass. We will see each other again. Once your Baba, always your Baba.

Love,

Baba Eric 💔🖤💚